We all love good stories, in fact I find storytelling to be one of the most effective ways to communicate feelings, teach, and connect with others. There is something so powerful about hearing a story that allows its listener’s hearts to be moved, especially when it is told from a firsthand perspective. Many times survivors are able to find their voices for the first time when telling their stories and experiences to someone. And as advocates we can learn from the things that they choose to share. Did you notice that I used the word “choose” in that sentence?
Being an advocate is a privilege. We are allowed to be a small part of each survivor’s life for the allotted time we have with them, and that is a gift. Storytelling is one of the ways that we connect and build deeper relationships with others, so it is natural to want to know more about the survivors we serve. But their stories are just that, theirs. It is important to keep in mind that survivors do not owe us any portion of what they have walked through in their pasts. Imagine coming into the care of people who you have had no prior relationship with and having them ask you to recount the most traumatic and painful experiences of your life.
One thing to consider is that before we have even met the survivors they have had to go through an intake process, which usually requires filling out an application, and completing some form of an interview with individuals they have never spoken to or seen before. And many times they have had to do this with police, medical professionals, and multiple organizations before finding placement.
My hope is that we remain cognizant that a survivor’s healing process does not hinge on how many times they recount the traumatic events of their past. I have found many times that they will start opening up when they are treated with the inherent value that has always been a part of who they are. When I say “opening up,” I do not mean talking about what has happened to them, I am pointing to their willingness to be open to new relationships. From there it is solely their choice to share. Exposing the darkness they have endured can be a part of their healing, but more importantly knowing that they were able to choose to expose it when they feel safe is key.
What are some of your suggestions or experiences that have been helpful for building rapport when in the initial stages of serving survivors?
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